to my youth - a time travel story

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welcome, stranger! you are about to embark on a journey with our protagonist: nana ly, a recent high school graduate who just had the ability to time travel! you are to help them navigate through their way and see what choices lie ahead when you go back (or forth) in their life. any questions?? [[no! let's get started!]] [[that sounds like a boring protagonist. can i have another one?]] [[how the fuck did i get here]] [[what warnings should i keep in mind before playing?]]

chapter i. infinitely gray by 25時、ナイトコードで。 [[2019.10.15]]

do you think you're the narrator? no! just because your choices impact the story doesn't mean you're going to impact the person you're playing as! nana ly might be a depressed loser who thinks they're going nowhere in life, but they are YOUR depressed loser. now help them out. [[okay! geez ->main menu]]

that is a good question. i assume you know the answer to it, right? i'm going to assume you are here simply because you are curious about this journey after being told of it. so you came here to try it out and see where it will lead you. in that case, just sit back and relax as we go through this together. [[let's go back. ->main menu]] [[you sound nicer here than in the other choice dialogue.]]

well, you were showing me attitude! we need to appreciate our character for who they are! let's go back to the main menu, though. after all, that is your key to starting. [[fair enough. ->main menu]]

"to my youth" includes darker topics of the following subjects that may be triggering for players. while there is no physical or graphic images of the following, there will be mentions of the following... <ul> <li>self harm</li> <li>death</li> <li>depression</li> <li>anxiety</li> <li>transphobia (incidences of misgendering)</li> <li>cancer / terminal illnesses.</li> </ul> once you have read the warning and ensured that you are in the mental capacity to proceed with the story, you may return to the [[main menu ->main menu]]

october 15, 2019. 58 days until i can go home. it's another day of waking up in this pathetic life living in renton, washington. i told myself that i should be happy that i'm here right now. after all, i'm a whole country away from home. i don't have to go to family gatherings where i'll be mocked and made fun of for how i dress and how awkward i am. i don't have to go to church every sunday because i lie to the people i live with and my dad, who is trying to keep in touch with me, by going to the mall instead. i'm able to do my own groceries and also run my own errands by myself. i can live a little more independently. i should be happy. ...but i'm not. every time i go on social media, i see everyone living their lives the way they planned it out. they go to the school of their choice and study for a major they chose themselves. they are living the life they wanted to live it. they are living the dream that they said they would reach for. and here i am, looking at their smiles and joy with an awful feeling in my stomach. anger. not at them, but at my dumbass self. i told everyone back there i'd be in seattle in a cute art school and that i'd major in music. i gave them the image of me being the life of the party. the person who lived in the city. a dreamer who would go even higher than the space needle did in the sky. but i'm not at the cute art school that i've fantasized about when i had a brief campus tour on there. i'm not doing anything related to music. my midi keyboard and my mic travelled with me only to collect dust. i haven't even written a new song in weeks. i'm in a stupid crummy tech school with no major that will let me express myself the way i want to. i'm failing the one subject that i thought i would be extremely confident in and the only way i can feel better about how pathetic my life is... is by sleeping and listening to sad music, going back on my photo gallery to remember the happiness i once had. orlando... chorus... my friends.. my mom... i hate that i put myself here. i hate how stupid i am to get here. i cry and cry all the time about how my life isn't the way i expected it to be when i was the clown who counted my chickens before they hatched. i told myself that i would not relapse... but it's so hard to not do that. especially when i know i should be punished for letting myself suffer so much like this due to my own foolishness. i'm so tired. ... [[finish your first entry.]]

well how else are you going to know about your character? the bookmark shows that this book has already been written in, along with the fact that the pen, while clean, has clearly been used before as it's not that full on ink. surely, there's a lot on your mind that you want to write down somewhere. after all, no one is home yet to listen to you. <strike>not like anyone would want to listen to you at all.</strike> [[... fine. ->write an entry.]]

you click your pen so that the tip no longer pokes out from it, looking over at your phone to check for the time. it's 2pm. you have some time before the kids come home from school and after a few more hours, it'll be dinner. what should you to do spend your time? [[homework.]] [[go through social media.]] [[watch your current favorite anime.]] [[order delivery.]] [[read through your journal entries.]] [[nap.]]

you spend half an hour on your laptop replying to the assigned discussion questions and the other half flipping through the pages of a book you were told to read for your english class. it doesn't take long for you to get it done. in fact, the quicker you get it done, the less you have to worry about. the less you feel like a failure. [[there's still time left.]]

you unlock your phone and go through your instagram. you scroll down to see happy faces of your friends with their new friends at their own schools. they're smiling with their dormmates. they're giggling while there's a solo cup in their hands and a friend by their side. there's a look of pure joy as they sit on a bleacher with their school's mascot colors painted on their face. even your underclassmen from high school are posting about their homecoming pictures or pictures with your mutual friends in front of that familiar hallway you've seen before. you wish you could post a picture to show where you are now. but it's not worth putting on a show that will feel ingenuine. and even if you were to be genuine, you don't want to ruin their fun. [[close your phone.]]

haha! surprise! this is a choice that you can't even make anyways. why? well... you're broke! there's a reason why you bought JUST fries and a large drink from mcdonalds, right? [[homework.]] [[go through social media.]] [[watch your current favorite anime.]] [[read through your journal entries.]] [[nap.]]

march 25, 2019. i just got back from my trip in orlando with my friends from the music department... oh my god... it was most absolutely the best experience ever. i felt like i was finally a part of a group of friends. i felt like that there was a purpose to me being there with them rather than just stringing along out of pity. the people there treated me well and also listened to the words and opinions i had to say. even when i showed funny reactions to the kind of shenanigans they'd say, they would react and even make me feel validated for the way i reacted. everything i said was being heard. everything i did was noticed. every time i smiled, there would always be people smiling back at me. i drank so much butterbeer. i feel like majority of the cash i spent was just on butterbeer at harry potter world. but it's so worth it, especially since i got to bond a lot more with wade... even though he really just treated me like a pal throughout. i mean... he pointed out how our necklaces were opposites to each other with mine being a bear on the front and a sun on the back while his was a wolf on the front and the moon on the back. and then he ruined it all by saying he was going to get a matching one with his co-star... god... besides that, i still got to be pretty close to him and everyone else. i have to thank alice for that, though. had it not been for her inviting me to be apart of their group, i probably would've never enjoyed florida, let alone an amusement park, as much as i did with them. to be honest, alice did so much for me to improve my mental health. i know it's been tough on her since everyone on the trip besides sana, natalie, and i got casted in the spring show. i really wanted to be part of at least the ensemble, but i suppose i'm not theater material. but with the fact that it's alice's first time in a show and how the director is already making her feel inferior because of it... it makes me sad for her. i wish i could do more for all of them, too. they've done so much good for me after all. i just hope that this trip will make me someone unforgettable to them. because they'll shine like gold in my memories forever. [[close the journal.]]

you close your eyes and eventually drift off into sleep. you don't bother dreaming of anything. there's not much to dream of besides going home. not to mention... dreams are much more enjoyable when everyone else is sleeping, right? [[it's dinnertime.]]

you go on your laptop and type in that familiar link. it almost feels like muscle memory to you now. you look at the whole gallery of episodes. it's a relief that this anime is finished so there will not be any more to add to your dish, but phew... you've got quite the pile to get through. [[take it easy and watch one episode.]] [[i deserve to chill out. watch a couple.]]

you click your pen so that the tip no longer pokes out from it, looking over at your phone to check for the time. it's 2pm. you have some time before the kids come home from school and after a few more hours, it'll be dinner. what should you to do spend your time? [[homework.]] [[watch your current favorite anime.]] [[order delivery.]] [[read through your journal entries.]] [[nap.]]

you click your pen so that the tip no longer pokes out from it, looking over at your phone to check for the time. it's 2pm. you have some time before the kids come home from school and after a few more hours, it'll be dinner. what should you to do spend your time? [[go through social media.]] [[watch your current favorite anime.]] [[order delivery.]] [[read through your journal entries.]] [[nap.]]

after you watch one episode, you look at the time once more. there should still be some time left. what should you to do spend your time? [[read through your journal entries.]] [[nap.]]

you watch a couple more episodes of the anime, finding yourself get carried away with what was going on. after watching two episodes, you hear the sound of the door opening and the kids announcing to their dad that they're home. you didn't even notice him come home until they pointed it out. the father tells them to get to their homework, leaving you with more time to yourself. though, to be honest... it's not like they'd be willing to come and talk to you now anyways. you watch more episodes until [[it's dinnertime.]]

you sigh and look at the clock. wow... you've read quite the amount of pages. [[it's dinnertime.]]

you look outside and it's nighttime. by now, the kids are already home and so is their father. their mother usually comes home a little later. that's usually the time you pretend to "sleep" with the lights down and you covering yourself with the blanket as you go on your phone. someone knocks on your door and you bring your attention to see it's the youngest child: jenna. she's a sweet girl, your favorite out of the three kids. if anything, she's probably your favorite person in this entire house. though she was only eight years old and in second grade, you could tell she had a kind heart and she only wanted happiness for others. it makes you feel guilty almost. the fact that all you've been doing the last few weeks was brood around when she is one of the few people who wants to make sure you're okay. "hi nana. dinner's ready downstairs," she says as she peeks her head in. "are you going to go down and eat?" [["sure. i'll be there in a few minutes."]] [["i'm sorry. i'm not really hungry."]]

you really didn't want to. in fact, if anything, you'd rather be distracting yourself more from this life than go downstairs and be reminded of how different you are from this entire family. they're all satisfied with their lives. they're all living their lives happily and comfortably. but here you were, bringing clouds with you wherever you go and ruining the mood for everyone. but you don't want to make the girl worried. you don't even want to make her father worried. the sight of her small smile warms your heart a little. "okay! i'll let everyone know so we can set the table." she doesn't close the door as she leaves, but it's okay. you stand up from the bed and decide to follow her, closing the door behind you in the process. [[enter the dining room.]]

you feel a little guilty once you see the girl's pout, but you knew what your limits were. for you, it was already a lot of effort to get up out of bed and go down to see a happy family eating together. they would talk amongst each other about how their school day went while their father would lecture them and tell them to focus on finishing their food. they'd talk about their teachers and also their best friends who played with them during recess. meanwhile, you would just sit there with nothing to contribute. you did not have any friends that you got to hang out with often. they probably did not want to hear about how your day went since you spent it all by yourself. you knew that you were only going to be a problem for them. you didn't want to bother. "okay. i'll let them know," she replies with a little nod, closing the door behind her as she walks downstairs. you sigh to yourself. you wish it was easier to explain to someone who has yet to understand how cruel life could be. now, you are [[alone]] .

you approach the dining table. your seat is in the middle as it had been for your first two weeks of living in this house and eating with them. you don't remember when you decided to stop going down. it was only a few weeks ago, but now it felt... weird to be down there. and it was not only like that for you. "oh. you're gonna eat with us," the oldest, jake, said. he sounded like he was mocking you in a sort of way, but you try your best to ignore it. after all, he's a boy in middle school. it's not like he knows anything about what you're going through as an adult. "it's very great to see you," says the enthusiastic yet dramatic middle child, lisa. she always spoke in a silly way. you feel like you could see her being a theater kid in the future someday. you nod your head as you go to the kitchen and grab a bowl, plate, and the typical utensils that you usually get for an asian dinner: chopsticks, spoon, and fork (just in case). as you gather the things, you say a small hello to their father as he's looking over the meal in his pot with a focused face. he looks over at you and his serious look melts into a small smile. "hi nana," he greets warmly. "i'm glad you could eat tonight." you nod your head politely as you make your way to the table. he follows right after with a bowl of green leaf soup in hand. he places it down in the middle of the table near the rice cooker. you watch as everyone digs in and you copy their actions, using the ladle in the bowl to pour some of the soup into your bowl of rice that you scooped yourself. as you eat the food, the kids are already starting conversations with one another. back then, you would sit and listen and try to find ways to use your "grown up kid" wisdom for their trivial troubles as elementary and middle school kids. now, you just sit silently and block out most of it, already wanting to get through one bowl and then go back upstairs to keep yourself from bothering them. when you finish your dishes and put them in the sink, you go upstairs back to your room, shutting the door behind you so that you can be [[alone]] with your dark thoughts again.

there's still some time before you can decide to go to sleep at 11 like you usually do. [[try to talk to a friend.]] [[read an entry.]]

is there really anyone who would be willing to hear your problems though? they're your friends. not your therapists. let them be happy, you selfish bitch. [[read an entry.]]

you close your eyes and drift off. you're not excited to wake up and relive the same, dull life that you're forced to live in. at least you could fall asleep and pretend for even just a little bit that you were back to when things were better. [[let's sleep until tomorrow.]]

... [[tomorrow...]]

as you open your eyes, you find yourself internally sighing. though you know that death was most likely going to be a shocking experience, you were disappointed with the fact that you had to wake up in yet another day of this dull life. you're prepared to go through the same routine that you do every morning. get up, go to the bathroom and brush your teeth, get dressed, and then drive to school to go through another boring class. thankfully, since it's wednesday, you get to go to your philosophy class. you like that class... even though you don't really pay attention to the readings. when you sit up, however, you notice something. you're in a completely different room. but this room is not infamiliar. in fact, if anything, you're surprised by how you recognized this room in an instant. this is no longer your "room" in renton that was originally lisa's room. rather than walls of pink, there are white walls covered in posters of the members of bts. it's strange... because you know you never dared to put the posters up in that new house of yours. so... why are you here in your house back in virginia? you look at your phone to look at the date. [[it's october 16, 2019.]]

2019.03.07. today and tonight were easily the best performances of my life. in all of the times i've performed for our kpop club's performances, this year's cultural celebration showcase was probably the most confident i felt in a long time. i know that i'll cringe when i look back on them. after all, i'm not really a good dancer. but that doesn't matter. i'm just glad that i was able to have fun with all of dulcet. i'm so proud to be a member and dance with them. i'm so glad that i got to play co-leader and watch as everyone smiled and shined in their own beautiful way. i'm so sad that i will never get to experience this again. i'll never get to hear another kpop song and imagine myself dancing to it with my friends beside me, making me feel like we're an unstoppable force together on stage. i want to be able to stand on a stage with such talented people again and believe, even for just a second, that i am on their level and that we are showing our true potential together. dulcet has given me the courage to look forward to that in the future. i really hope that once i get to seattle, i can be able to experience such happiness with a group like dulcet again. even though it won't be the same... because dulcet is like another family to me. i've been with them for so long and as a senior, i got to see so many new people show the same excitement that i did when i first joined. i'm going to miss this. i'm going to miss this so much when i go. [[close the book.]]

you leave a bookmark on that specific page. even if it is not the page you last wrote on, you knew a part of you would probably go back to that page again just so that you could read all about your feelings of absolute joy of going on stage for the last cultural celebration show that you'll ever perform for. you sigh to yourself as you stand up from the bed to switch the lights off. you put your laptop back down near your bed and place the journal to an empty spot left on your bed that you knew you'd probably not go near while you're asleep. it's getting late. you don't hear her come home yet, but you don't really care. it's better to not even be aware of that woman coming home than have to pretend while hearing her with her awful mannerisms downstairs. it's time to [[sleep.]]

it's march 7th, 2019. your eyes widen at the date and you immediately click on the camera function on your lockscreen. your brunette hair that you had recently dyed a month ago to avoid rash comments from the "mother" and her brothers and sisters at gatherings... it's instead split hair with blonde on the left side and pink on the right. the dye is fresh, most likely because of the fact that you dyed it the night before your performance at the cultural festival. immediately, you jump out of your bed and walk to the bathroom, noticing the stark difference from the soft pink walls in washington state to the lime green ones here. oh my god. oh my fucking god. YOU ARE BACK IN VIRGINIA. AND YOU ARE BACK ON THE DAY OF THE CULTURAL FESTIVAL. well... now you can say that you dyed your hair last night. [[scream]] [[bash your head in the wall]] [[why are these options are you okay]]

you scream at the top of your lungs at the realization. immediately, you hear someone shout out in reaction to it. "nana?! are you okay?!" a familiar voice. for the last month in renton, you have only heard his voice in phone calls to check up on how you were doing after the move. you only heard his voice at least once a week and it was always through a screen. the last time you saw him in person... even if it was a month ago, it felt like ages ago. [["ba?!"]] [[what does that top option mean]]

after hitting your head hard into the green wall, you fall back onto the opened toilet seat. thankfully, though it wasn't fully lidded, it wasn't fully un-lidded either. that's probably because it's your bathroom and not— suddenly, you hear someone shout out in reaction to it. "nana?! are you okay?!" a familiar voice. for the last month in renton, you have only heard his voice in phone calls to check up on how you were doing after the move. you only heard his voice at least once a week and it was always through a screen. the last time you saw him in person... even if it was a month ago, it felt like ages ago. [["ba?!"]] [[what does that top option mean]]

just go along with the story, dude. come on. don't be a downer. [[scream]] [[bash your head in the wall]]

"are you okay?!" he repeated in response, probably thinking you didn't hear him. you were mainly in shock over the fact that you had suddenly gotten back in time, but hearing your father's voice reminds you that he most likely does not know what is going on. you've seen it all in movies and tv shows: not everyone knows a person is a timetraveller. you take a deep breath. you've got to keep your cool. "yeah! i'm fine! i just hurt my foot." "... okay," he answers. "get ready, quick! if you stay a little longer, you're going to be late for school." "i will!" you shout back in response, closing the bathroom door so that you can take a look at yourself... your past self.... or is it... present self? no matter what it is... you need to get through this day.... once again. you'll find an explanation to it sooner or later... ... [[right?]]

i should've probably mentioned this earlier... but nana ly is vietnamese. however, they've never gone to vietnam in their life. they don't really talk much of it, so you don't have to worry about seeing any of that kind of dialogue on here. anyway, where were we? [["ba?!"]]

chapter ii. just dance. by j-hope [[2019.03.07]]

it's another day of the same routine. get up, brush your teeth, get dressed, warm your car from the morning frost, and then drive to school. you go through your 8am english class that goes through topics you've already learned before and the professor goes on and on about a paper you are confident you'd ace anyway. though, knowing her, she'll probably find a way to fail you or humble you because of your confidence in your writing. she always does. your life has been like this for the last month or so since school started. when you were younger you thought that it would be much more engaging and vivid. more exciting, even. but so far, it's only brought you disappointment and dullness. though, to be honest... you put yourself in this situation. when you are on your way home, you make sure to pick up a large soda from mcdonalds so that you can feel some sort of excitement throughout your day. all you ever look forward to nowadays is fridays where you can roam around the mall by yourself while getting fries that make you feel some sort of joy while being in this state of crushed dreams. but on every other day, a soda and sometimes fries was enough for you, given the fact that you can't really afford more than that. you return to the house that is currently empty. it's just you and the two dogs that the host, your father's friend, has as pets. he was probably outside doing his job as a repairman for cars. his three children who bring more life into the house than anyone else were still in school and it's not yet time for them to be picked up and dropped off by the bus. and, thankfully, the children's mother is also not at home. not that you really interact with her much. it's quite clear that you two do not like each other. you go up to "your" room that was originally the middle child's. she had given up that room so that you could sleep there and reside there on your own for your stay there. you didn't mind. you personally liked being alone, anyways. as you lie on your bed over how boring, yet tiring your average day in this technical college was, you turn over and see a familiar blue book decorated with stickers that you have purchased yourself. there is a blue bookmark in one of the pages and next to it, a purple pen that looks as if it's already been used. [[write an entry.]] [[...do i have to?]]

when you lived in renton, you had just gained your license. you drove yourself to school in your black subaru that you had bought from someone who wasn't selling it for much. a few days after you got your license, you popped your tire on the way home from school, cried your eyes out, and then spent a lot of money on getting another tire after your father's friend helped you get through the situation. but now, you're in your father's white toyota van... and he's driving you to school. it feels weird because you technically knew how to drive. you've gotten so used to driving in the last month and now all of a sudden, you are in your father's car. you could've been like the other seniors (or even juniors) who have a parking spot on school. you could've droven your self to school so that you didn't have to stress your father out whenever you were just a little bit late. you take a look in your familiar small pink wallet... there is no drivers license. "you have a show tonight, right?" your father asks. your car rides were usually pretty silent whenever he drove you to school. you were too tired to say anything and even though he's usually got a cup of coffee in the cup holder, he'd also be pretty exhausted. so it feels weird... to have him say something. "yeah. from seven to ten. i'm going to be [[dancing]] and also [[hosting]] the show."

you are involved in the korean honor society and your school, specifically the kpop dance group "dulcet". you are the co-leader, with your middle school friend, brianna ho, as the leader for this year. you've been a member since sophomore year (2017) and for every single year that there was a cultural celebration festival, you'd perform at least one song. as a sophomore, you performed four. junior year, you performed two. and this year... you are performing one, mainly due to the fact that you've gotten yourself involved with other extracirriculars on the side. it's why you bleached and dyed your hair... for the first time, too! [[hosting]] [[back to the car conversation.]]

this is your first year as a host for the cultural celebration festival. you and your other friends (hailey and raveena) have been practicing for the last few days for the script that you three wrote to introduce the acts for the show. however, your mcing act is only for the night performance. either way, the three of you are excited for it. though you think you're more excited over the dancing performance. [[dancing]] [[back to the car conversation.]]

"okay. what time do you want me to pick you up?" you don't expect him to be there for the performance. you never do. it's hard to impress someone with conservative expectations regarding the arts. still... you're a little disappointed, but you don't let him know that. it's not like he'll understand your emotions anyway. "you can come around 10:30. i'll probably stay after to talk to everyone there." "okay." you arrive at the "kiss-and-ride" of your school and he hits the brake for you. "have a good day, then." you nod. "stay safe," you reply to him, grabbing your school bag at your feet and then getting out of the car. [[time for school.]]

the school day goes by quickly. you get through your first class of the day and your "home-room" half period. right now, you're supposed to go to a different classroom that you have on your schedule to either chat with your friends (if you had them) in that one class, study, or nap. today... you're going to the classroom for your fifth period... chorus class. your favorite class of the year. you enter the room and you see your usual group of chorus friends that you would soon accompany with on the chorus trip to orlando, florida where you will go to universal studios. this group of chorus friends were what you named "the rebel treble", as you guys are 5/8 of the eight-membered acapella group within the chorus department. you had another member who was in this class, but she had her own group of friends. as for the other two members... they were in a another class with three of the girls here. you sit down with them like you usually do. you never really talk much within them. you were a recently recruited friend in their group, so they've already had established connections within each other. but either way, you liked listening to them go on about their crazy conversations. not to mention, the leader, natalie a.k.a the most responsible and kindhearted member, was always willing to involve you with their conversations... along with alice, the main reason why you were accepted into the acapella group in the first place. speaking of which... [[she's talking to you right now!]]

"my GOD you look so GOOD with your hair. i am absolutely eating it up." you expected that kind of response from her, but you can't help from feeling flattered. you giggle sheepishly. "thank you, thank you," you respond. "honestly, i was nervous about whether or not it would look good on me or not. the pink is not as vibrant and also i got called an e-girl." "i mean..." she smiles and shrugs. "you kinda do like one. but you're definitely pulling it off! i'm all here for the new hair color change." "i think blonde is a really good color on you, to be honest," another friendly and funny member, bernadette (a.k.a bernie), speaks up. she's someone you admire greatly, as she's also an aspiring composer like yourself. you both have your first two periods (music creation technology) together, but you two mainly interact through chorus class and during rebel treble practice. "this is for your performance for that festival thing, right?" molly, the member that you are not the most closest to despite her hyperactive energy, asks. you nod your head excitedly. "it'd be great if you guys are able to come for the evening showcase!" you explained enthusiastically. of course, you didn't expect them to come because you knew that molly, alice, and bernie were going to be at rehearsal for the spring show. but, it was worth mentioning for them to consider. "if we can't show, make sure someone gets a video for us!" alice comments. you laugh and you nod your head. "i'll make sure of that." all of a sudden, you notice two boys approaching your group. of course, you knew who these guys were: they were a few of the only male actors within the theater department. because of prior interactions within the last year of joining the theater club then, you've been more familiarized with sophomore student ricky kwon. however, your eyes are mainly focused on [[him]], another face you will get to know during your upcoming chorus trip. [[you listen to him speak to alice.]]

wade mond: the main heartthrob of the theater club. he's a tenor singer and is the main character of the spring showcase: eureka! among his many admirers who fawn over him are you and alice. you met him for the first time earlier this school year while auditioning for the fall show. as a result, you've been one of the few people charmed by him. though you're sure it's an infatuation, as you do not really know much about him besides the fact that he also likes anime, singing, and dancing. [[you listen to him speak to alice.]]

"hello~" he sing-songs. "what are you guys up to?" "we're just talking about rehearsal after school today," alice answers him. "we're talking about whether or not we should prepare for [[hanneman]] and his wrath today." molly frowns when she says that. "you shouldn't be so mean to him, you know. he really means well and he cares about all of us." alice snorts. "you mean he cares about the white girls and the other boys in the cast," she retorts. "that guy has it out for me. i just know it." as alice, molly, bernie, and ricky talk amongst themselves about their director, you look back at wade and notice him looking back at you. what?! why is he doing that?! holy shit... holy fuck... why is he looking at you? do you have something wrong with your face?! is there something you need to fix hours before the performance?! "i like the hair, nana," he says with a smile. you know he's not making fun of you for it, either. your heart feels something. oh god... be still. [[simply accept his compliment.]] [[invite him to watch the cultural celebration festival]]

"thanks!" you answer with a big smile. "i just dyed the other half pink last night." god. you probably look like an idiot right now. you really wish you had prior romance experience. "it looks good, especially for something you did by yourself," he adds on. then, he turns away from you. sighs... nothing surprising. you aren't exactly the most exciting person he's met. not to mention, not the most attractive. you wait for the period to be over, continuing to input your conversations with the others whenever there is space to. and all of a sudden... it's [[lunch time.]] a.k.a, time to get ready for the show with everyone.

"thanks!" you answer with a big smile. "it's for the cultural celebration festival. you should come! there's another show tonight besides the one during eighth period!" "ahh..." he sighs. "unfortunately, i cannot. i've gotta hang out with rick and the other guys later after rehearsal. i'm sorry. break a leg, though!" great. of course he wouldn't spare some time for you. you probably look super desperate now. "i-it's fine!" you stutter and try to recollect your composure. you wait for the period to be over, continuing to input your conversations with the others whenever there is space to. while you're doing that, you smack your head in embarrassment over the interaction. and all of a sudden... it's [[lunch time.]] a.k.a, time to get ready for the show with everyone.

hanneman is the theater teacher of elysian high, making him also the head of the theater program. out of curiosity, you decided to take his class during junior year and while you did have a fun time out of that class that made you join the theater club to make more friends outside of the class... he certainly intimidates you. your opinion on him continues to lower when you heard other people, mostly tech friends, express their discontent with him. but this [[isn't about him -> you listen to him speak to alice.]]

"hello~" he sing-songs. "what are you guys up to?" "we're just talking about rehearsal after school today," alice answers him. "we're talking about whether or not we should prepare for hanneman and his wrath today." molly frowns when she says that. "you shouldn't be so mean to him, you know. he really means well and he cares about all of us." alice snorts. "you mean he cares about the white girls and the other boys in the cast," she retorts. "that guy has it out for me. i just know it." as alice, molly, bernie, and ricky talk amongst themselves about their director, you look back at wade and notice him looking back at you. what?! why is he doing that?! holy shit... holy fuck... why is he looking at you? do you have something wrong with your face?! is there something you need to fix hours before the performance?! "i like the hair, nana," he says with a smile. you know he's not making fun of you for it, either. your heart feels something. oh god... be still. [[simply accept his compliment.]] [[invite him to watch the cultural celebration festival]]

thanks to the excuse pass that you handed to your teachers, you are able to head to the hallway near the korean room and meet up with the other members of dulcet, along with other members under the khs who are getting ready for their own acts. there's so much going on and you're a little overwhelmed, but this isn't your first rodeo. not only that, but you're a senior. you've gotta act calm for the little freshmen or other newbies so that they don't get any more stressed. with your backpack on, you head over to the restroom to quickly change into your "outfit". you've gotta wear an ao dai for the vietnamese student association's fashion show, not to mention the "idol" outfit for your dance performance. as you unzip the bag to pull out the traditional gown, you notice something that you didn't expect to be in the usual pile full of notebooks and textbooks. the blue journal. it bewilders you. you don't know why it's there. you were sure that you left it at home. but the clock is ticking. you still need to get ready: outfit and makeup and all. you quickly put on the first outfit you need to put on, get out of the stall, and look in the mirror to put on your signature red liptint. and when you exit out, you ask another friend of yours to apply eyeshadow and eyeliner for you. you're now left on your own, while everyone running around you is still scrambling to look presentable... what do you do? [[open the journal in your bag.]] [[talk to the other members.]]

you take a seat with the journal in your hand. as you open it to the page that the bookmark was left on, you see that the only thing on the pages is the date: nothing about the history that you are revisiting now. [[write something.]] [[look through the other pages.]] [[close it.]]

you walk to one of the underclassmen you were particularly close with: teddy. she not only lives in the same neighborhood with you, meaning you ride the same bus (school or city), but she is also very enthusiastic and hyperactive. "nana!" she greets with a big grin and a little giggle. "how are you feeling with your last culture fest performance?" you laugh at her silly attitude. "honestly, i'm kind of nervous," you reply to her. "with this being the last one, i really want to make it count. especially because i've been dying to shine as dulcet's [[taehyung]] for the 'idol' performance."

now reader, if you're a kpop fan, you probably recognize this name already. but if you're not, then i'll try to keep it simple. taehyung is your favorite member of the KPOP boygroup BTS (yes, that one). you've been stanning him since 2014 before they reached their popularity in america. known for his alluring charisma and strong stage presence, you want to make sure that everyone will keep an eye on you during this performance... even if you can't dance. [[back to teddy.]]

teddy smiles and gives you a thumbs up. "we're gonna kill it out there. you know it." you grin. "you're so hardworking, teddy! you're doing three songs this year again? i'm sure that if anyone's gonna keep their eyes on someone besides me and bri, it's gonna be you." and you mean it, too. teddy is a stellar dancer, after all. probably one of the best in your whole entire dance group... and you're willing to admit that, as you are not the best. she giggles. "thanks, nana. you always know what to say to make my day better." "alright, dulcet! places! places! we've gotta get ready for showtime!" brianna shouts, trying to get everyone in the dance group together. "let's meet backstage in the spots we wait in two performances before us! let's go let's go!" well... what are you waiting for? [[let's watch the culture celebration!]]

before you know it, all four lunch periods are over and it is currently your eighth period. you and the rest of your members grab some seats in the auditorium that are not taken by whichever eighth period teacher wanted to bring their class to the performance. it's a shame that not all students could be there, but it's not like you can do anything about it with the auditorium having such limited room... you really hoped that wade could've seen you... no wait. that doesn't matter. THAT SHOULDN'T MATTER. YOU LITERALLY TRAVELLED BACK IN TIME... AND YET YOU'VE FORGOTTEN THAT ALL BECAUSE YOU'VE TRAVELLED BACK TO A TIME THAT IS STRESSFUL. you try your best to "pretend" to pay attention, letting out sounds of oohs and ahhs to every performance you see. [["ooh. ahhh."]]

your mind is in shambles right now, but you can't let anyone else know that. you take a look at the lineup of the show. right now was the korean fan dance. only one of the members of dulcet have decided to also take part in this performance as well. it's not uncommon. back in the last few years, brianna herself had participated in both dulcet performances and fan dance performances. during sophomore year, she and a senior of yours did it together with the other fan dancers. you join your members in cheering the girl, jenny, on. and before you know it, the performance ends. you look at the setlist. it's the chinese ribbon dance... [[the second to last performance before yours.]]

you and the other members are waiting backstage, all the members who start out on the left side of the stage waiting alongside you, along with the performers who were performing after the ribbon dance. you make sure that you have all the members on this side while brianna was making sure everyone was on the right right side of the stage with her. "nana! nana!" you hear a hushed yelling voice come from behind you. you turn around to see jenny with panicked eyes. "i lost my sneakers. i don't know where they are," she says. "i only have my fan dance shoes on right now. i couldn't find them in the dressing room. i just-" the memory comes back to you as it plays out now... or at least, the familiar emotions you felt when in this position come back to you. but you can't abandon your leader position. you can't. even if there is only a limited time before you guys go on... [[you go look for those sneakers.]]

march 7, 2019. today is culture fest! i'm so excited >w< all of us worked so hard for this event!!! i can't wait to show everyone in the audience that i can shine!! i'm so excited!!! this is going to be my last ifest too... i'm so sad... i really have to make this count! there's only a few minutes. i'll get back to you once i finish both performances!!! [[time to close this book.]]

are you sure? you don't really have that much time left. [[write something.]] [[close it.]] [[why did you even give me this option then? why are you fucking around with me?]]

"alright, dulcet! places! places! we've gotta get ready for showtime!" brianna shouts, trying to get everyone in the dance group together. "let's meet backstage in the spots we wait in two performances before us! let's go let's go!" well... what are you waiting for? [[let's watch the culture celebration!]]

wow! watch the language! also, the more choices, the better right? haha! yeah i just wanted to fuck around with you. but if you want my suggestion... you should definitely [[write something.]] but you don't have to. you can [[close it.]] it's up to you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

your mind is in shambles right now, but you can't let anyone else know that. you take a look at the lineup of the show. right now was the korean fan dance. only one of the members of dulcet have decided to also take part in this performance as well. it's not uncommon. back in the last few years, brianna herself had participated in both dulcet performances and fan dance performances. during sophomore year, she and a senior of yours did it together with the other fan dancers. you join your members in cheering the girl, jenny, on. and before you know it, the performance ends. you look at the setlist. it's the [[chinese ribbon dance]]... the second to last performance before yours.

as you go back out to the hallway, you try your best to look for the shoes in a panic. but your mind is in shambles! she couldn't have left them in her bag, could she? if so, you weren't sure if she'd let you look through them. and she said she already looked in the dressing rooms... holy fuck... oh my god... this is such a mess! all of a sudden, you spot your journal in your not-fully-zipped bag and you think.... could this work??? you could try... how would it even work??? you open the book to where the bookmark is to reveal that one entry you wrote. you graze your fingers over the writing. you close your eyes... and attempt to calm down. [["we still have time."]]

you run back to the backstage and look at jenny as your eyes began to well up with tears. "i-i i couldn't find them," you stammer. "i'm- i'm so sor—" your chest begins to tighten. you hear a high pitched noise. everyone is speaking all at once. the performances are going and leaving... you crouch to the floor... and you [[cry.]]

BAD END 1: lost shoes. oh no... poor thing... maybe you should take more advantage of your abilities more... [[let's start from this date again.]]

chapter ii. just dance. by j-hope [[2019.03.07]]

you hear the sound of people chattering in the hall again. you open your eyes to see everyone talking amongst themselves as they are preparing to get ready again. your eyes widen as you look at the clock on your phone... YOU REALLY DID IT. YOU REALLY TRAVELLED BACK IN TIME. you gasp loudly that your other members look at you with concern. "are you good, nana?" brianna asks. "do you need something?" teddy comes after. [[reply to them first.]] [[talk to jenny.]]

"i-i'm fine!" you respond with a little laugh. "just... just had a premonition that we're going to do great!" "hell yeah we are!" one of the freshman cheers, getting the other to cheer alongside her. you laugh and smile as you look around yourself. you have to remember your main goal for doing this. [[talk to jenny.]]

you look for the junior member quickly, looking at her dressed up in her fan dance dress, accessories, and makeup. she turns to you with a smile. "hi nana! i'm so nervous! this is my first cultural festival performance with khs!" "you're going to do great," you respond to her with a big grin and thumbs up. "as co-leader, i'm here to give you my encouragement and also give you some reminders! remember to break a leg and also... don't forget to bring all your dulcet clothes with you! put all of the clothes in a place where you can remember to grab them. INCLUDING YOUR SHOES!!" she looks at you with a perplexed look at first before eventually laughing. "what's with the emphasis with the shoes?" you laugh it off. "ah... well, they're often forgettable if you're used to usually wearing one,' you respond as an excuse. you can't really tell someone who you didn't really know well outside of the club that you could suddenly time travel. "but anyways!!! break a leg out there!!! i'll see you backstage soon!" "you too!" and so... [[you head your way to watch the performances.]]

you take seats. "ooh ahh," yadda yadda. you already know the gist of it! [[let's go backstage already!]]

you gather everyone into a huddle and talk to everyone there. "alright guys! i know that we went through a lot of trials and that some practices were not the best, but this is our time to shine and show everyone what we've got! i'm so glad i got to co-lead you guys and see your progression from turning into rookies to literal stars!" you put your hand in the middle of the circle. "dulcet?" everyone alongside you puts their hands on top of yours and silently shouts. "dulcet!" you raise your hands altogether to the ceiling. as you turn back to look at the other side, you see brianna doing the same with the other members on that side of the stage. HAHA!!! she is so funny. you are definitely going to miss her once you guys graduate and go on your separate ways. now... [[it's time to dance!]]

because ur mom LMAOOOOOO now say yes, pussy. [[yes.]]

chapter iii. a new start. by nanashi mumei [[2019.03.14]]

it's been a week since the culture festival and you're still trying your best to wrap your head around this time-traveling business. you have tried your best to act natural around your peers, given the fact that you are the only one who is from the future. even when talking to your school counselor, you've tried your best to keep your cool. "so! have you thought about which school you were thinking of going to during the fall?" [[the private university in seattle.]] the one you fell in love with the moment you laid your eyes on it. [[the nearby university that's only a 10 minute drive from your house.]] [[i think i'll go for community college, to be honest.]] [[gap year?]]

BZZT! wrong answer. it's because of you choosing that school that you ended up being miserable in the first place. [[let's do this again.]]

"that sounds like a good idea!" she replies to you with a smile. "since it's so close by, you might not even have to pay extra for dorms!" that does sound like a simpler life, now that you think about it. you wish you would've went with that path sooner. [[moving on...]]

"ah! that's a great idea! you can get most of your core classes out of the way, too!" she grins. "not only that, but you'll be able to save a lot of money in the process of doing that! that's why a lot of the kids in your class are going to the local college." you remember growing up hearing all sorts of flack about community college. it's not until recently that you've heard a lot of praise for it. even your other asian aunts and uncles have been encouraging you and their children to get into it. why? well... obviously because of financial reasons. though... you aren't exactly too keen into going there at all. let's think about that later, though. it has nothing to do with the story. [[moving on...]]

you think your dad will let you get away from school? for a whole year??? LOL! that's funny!! remember: you're a first generation asian-american, bestie. [[try again!]]

"so! have you thought about which school you were thinking of going to during the fall?" <strike>the private university in seattle. the one you fell in love with the moment you laid your eyes on it.</strike> [[the nearby university that's only a 10 minute drive from your house.]] [[i think i'll go for community college, to be honest.]] [[gap year?]]

"so! have you thought about which school you were thinking of going to during the fall?" [[the private university in seattle.]] the one you fell in love with the moment you laid your eyes on it. [[the nearby university that's only a 10 minute drive from your house.]] [[i think i'll go for community college, to be honest.]] <strike>gap year?</strike>

you get through a normal school day until the final bell of the day rings, signaling you to get going to your buses and go on your way home. as you make your way to the closest exit to where your bus usually was, you pass by the theater classroom, watching as your familiar friends from chorus who were in the spring showcase go in. not only that, but you see a few of your tech friends go to the backstage door beside it. this is all for eureka... isn't it... though you knew you had no chance of being in the cast list due to your lack of experience and talent, especially with someone as critical as mr. hanneman, you couldn't help but feel a big case of fomo. of course, you do have the upcoming orlando trip and from prior experience, you already know that's going to make you feel like you're apart of their group. but it still... stings that you can't be able to experience the joy with them. you sigh in defeat as you walk down the halls to head towards your bus, not being at all surprised that all the other cast members barely spare you a glance as they are too preoccupied to get ready for rehearsal. ... oh come on. [[you can't give up that easily, right?]]

[[send a message to teddy and your father that you have to do something after school.]] that way, they'll understand that you're going to "come home a little late." [[isn't that lying??]]

you don't check for their responses after you finish typing the messages onto your phone. you simply put your phone in your pocket and run off to the girl's bathroom [[(don't get any ideas)]]. you don't check for their responses after you finish typing the messages onto your phone. you simply put your phone in your pocket and run off to the girl's bathroom. when you enter a stall, you sit down on the toilet seat and open your backpack, reaching for the journal in the biggest pocket. well... you clearly want to be buddy buddy with them and join the cast, even if it is just as an ensemble member. do you want to rewind to the eureka auditions? [[yes!!]] [[do i have to?]]

yes it is, but you can't tell them the truth either. it's not like they'll believe you anyways. this story won't progress if you don't take the opportunity to time travel. "a time travel story" is literally in the title, after all. but yeah... really... [[send a message to teddy and your father that you have to do something after school.]]

if you haven't noticed, that pleases me, the narrator, a little bit. because if you did, that'd mean that you aren't familiar with this kind of grammar. i've never mentioned it before because i didn't really see a point in doing it, but nana is nonbinary. they are only out to a few people, as they dress very feminine and appear that way as well. so while they do get upset when people use the wrong pronouns on them, she/her, they do not really bring much attention to it. but yeah. that's basically it. it's not a huge factor in the story. this isn't about them coming to terms with their gender (they're already in terms with it), nor is it about them trying to be accepted (their main goal right now is to try and figure this power out). [[but anyways... the bathroom..]]

you don't check for their responses after you finish typing the messages onto your phone. you simply put your phone in your pocket and run off to the girl's bathroom. when you enter a stall, you sit down on the toilet seat and open your backpack, reaching for the journal in the biggest pocket. well... you clearly want to be buddy buddy with them and join the cast, even if it is just as an ensemble member. do you want to rewind to the eureka auditions? [[yes!!]] [[do i have to?]]

how else will we progress with the story?? [[can't we just try to get closer to them another way?]]

you turn the pages of your journal to a much earlier entry, but not too early that you end up going back some grades. you scan the words carefully until you eventually find it. bingo. you close your eyes and take a deep breath as your trace your fingers along the outline of the date and the sloppy, rushed handwriting that you recognized as you are. in your head, you repeat that date over and over in your head. [[february 13th, 2019]]

you open your eyes. ... did anything change at all?? [[leave the bathroom stall.]]

what other way is there to get close to them? you only know a handful of them because of chorus. the only ones you can get close to are the ones already in the "rebel treble". but what about your tech friends? what about the other castmates that you're friendly with?? what about... wade?! [[...-> yes!!]]

you turn the pages of your journal to a much earlier entry, but not too early that you end up going back some grades. you scan the words carefully until you eventually find it. bingo. [[february 13th, 2019]]

oh right! duh! i forgot about that! after you stuff your journal back in your backpack, you stand up from the toilet (thank god you did not wear a skirt or dress, otherwise that'd be an awkward situation for you) and leave the restroom, looking around you to see quite a crowd of familiar faces headed to the theater room. you look in confusion before you approach the door and you see it: "eureka auditions on !" your eyes widen as you see everyone else on the signup sheet taped to the door enter the room with either excited or anxious facial expressions. you look inside to see familiar faces, but none of them being members of rebel treble... though, that's a given. the others went to the audition on the twelfth. [[you enter the room.]]

you sit at a random seat (that's not the theater room sofa. you know better than that) and wait for mr. hanneman to come into the room and give you all the information on how the audition process was going to go. while you sit down, you look around yourself to see who else was going to be here today. and your eyes land on him. you look away quickly, hoping that he does not pay any mind to you. if he caught you staring at him, you were certain that you'd basically be embarrassed for the rest of your high school life.... but now that you think about it, you technically could always just rewind back so that you can prevent it from happening again. mr. hanneman comes in, asking everyone else auditioning today to be silent for just a moment as he goes to explain how the audition process will go. you take a deep breath. [[you want to do the very best you can.]]

you signed up earlier than most because you thought it would be useful for you to get the audition over with and not think about it after that. coincidentally enough, it seems as though wade was going almost around the same time you are as hanneman calls for the both of you along with some other kids to start heading out and getting ready for the audition. you stand out there and take a deep sigh as you practice the song over again in your head. you're hoping to at least get an ensemble role, since it still means you're apart of the show even if you don't shine like your other peers. your starting note is a c#5 with your word being "just" and then your ending note is a d#4 with your word being "too"... fuck... since you are from the future, it feels like MONTHS since you actually practiced this song to yourself. you go over the lyrics along with the notes quietly to yourself when everyone else in line is talking amongst themselves. "trying out for constance, huh?" you look up from your feet to see who was talking to you, finding your face going warm already just from his little smile and kind eyes. [[admit the truth.]] [[try to play it cool.]]

"is it obvious?" you ask him, making him laugh. "a little," he replies with a smile. "but it's understandable. she is the main lead, after all." "yeah," you nod your head and sigh as the image of you onstage singing this song crosses your mind. it's... a lot to reach for, but you were still willing to try and shoot your shot for it. "i'll be lucky if i even get ensemble, though." "well, at least you're trying! that way, you can say that you're giving it a shot!" he throws a thumbs up. "i'm sure you'll do amazing." you laugh. "thanks." and so he turns, talking about whatever he was talking about. [[any moment now...]]

you clear your throat and try to have a straight face. "i'm just singing her song, really," you answer. "this song seemed to suit my range the best. plus, constance is a little... too pure for me." wade smirks. "what do you mean by that?" you pause. uh oh, you think to yourself with widnened eyes. did i say something wrong? he laughs and shakes his head. "just teasing you. you should've seen your face!" UGH... the way you fell for that... now you feel embarrassed AND stupid... but at least he smiled because of you. not only that, but you feel less tense about the audition now. [[any moment now...]]

the line gets shorter and as you mentally prepare yourself to get ready for your turn to be called. it's just you and wade waiting outside now, along with the stage director, april (yes, she's also a friend of yours. this is the year you made a lot more friends, after all). you originally weren't planning to get in the conversation that the both of them were having, but seeing that you had nothing else better to do and you were both familiar with the both of them, there wasn't really any harm done with participating in it. "so i was out with some friends the other night and we were stopping by 7/11, right?" wade starts his story off. he sure seems like a good storyteller. "and while i was there, there was this guy who was like behind us and we didn't think much about him. but then all of a sudden, as me and everyone else was getting our slurpees and stuff to the register, the guy called out from behind us trying to get our attention. wanna know why?" "why?" both you and april ask him, hoping he'll go to finish his story. "he called out to us because we dropped something. i dropped something... a little beyblade." you can't help but snort loudly at that anti-climatic ending and neither can april as she laughs along with you. "of course it's you who drops the beyblade and you don't even notice it until some dude calls you out for it." "hey! it's okay! when he pointed it out, he seemed really excited about it so we got to bond a lot over it!" all of a sudden, the door to the blackbox opens and the person who went before you walks out. [[it's your turn.]]

after april goes into the blackbox to exchange a few words with mr. hanneman and the music accompanist, she goes out to give you permission to go in. you take a deep breath as you hear wade whisper "break a leg!" right behind you. you enter the room, april closing it as soon as you are fully within it and you stand on the x in the middle, as instructed from hanneman earlier. "hi, nana," he says politely. you can't help but feel like he's giving you an intense look. almost as if he is studying you very closely. "what song will you be singing for us?" "'just imagine'," you respond. "very well. you will begin at the 18th measure. judy, can you play nana's starting note?" you look over at the music accompanist and she gives you the starting note. c#5. you nod your head and clear your throat. "on a count to four," judy instructs. "one...two...three...four." [["just..."]] [["seems..."]]

"...imagine that he loves me dearly..." you manage to start at the right count and you sing without a hitch. you start on pitch and on the perfect tempo, but there is one thing that you feel is lacking even if you're trying your best. you're not a professionally taught vocalist, so that could be the reason why. but still, you try your best with what part of the song you've got. [["...seems..."]] [["he's..."]]

FUCK! you messed up with the wrong start word... that's for the second part of the chorus!!! trying to make up for your blooper, you... [[continue with the lyrics from the second part]] [[sing the rest of the lyrics that were supposed to be sung]] [[ask to start over]]

FUCK! YOU MESSED UP!! THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE ENDING OF THE CHORUS... you really tried your best to try and memorize it as perfectly as you can. but every time you open your mouth, you feel as though you are making this even worse for yourself. what should you do? [[... just continue with the verse that you were originally supposed to sing?]]

"... that he's there, as the day is closing..." you manage to get through the second verse without a hitch, though you wish that you could've done a little better. you told yourself that this song was in your range, but now it feels like... you're wrong. you hear the accompaniment come to an end. the audition is over. "alright. thank you for your audition, nana. we'll be sure to let you know if we want a callback." [[leave the blackbox and go to the theater room.]]

"...that he's there, as the day is closing..." god... this is a mess. you're lucky that they're the same starting note and chord progression. you're just going to have sing towards the end and hope that judy does the same. if she were to return back to the major that you accidentally sang just for you to mess up your audition even more... god... that'd be embarrassing. you hear the accompaniment come to an end. the audition is over. "alright. thank you for your audition, nana. we'll be sure to let you know if we want a callback." [[leave the blackbox and go to the theater room.]]

"...imagine... that he loves me dearly." you aren't sure if this was the safest option, but the fact that you started off quite rocky already makes you feel like this audition was going to lead to no good results. you can even tell by the expression on hanneman's face that you essentially failed the audition. but that doesn't mean you can't finish it. you've got to pull through, no matter the mistake. [["...seems..."]] [["he's..."]]

like hell you would do that! hanneman is terrifying!!! [[continue with the lyrics from the second part]] [[sing the rest of the lyrics that were supposed to be sung]]

you leave the blackbox, feeling... not as confident about the audition. you know that there's not much to talk about with april, as she is the stage manager, but you were surprised to have wade want to interact with you after you finished up. "how did it go?" oh... oh he had to ask that. you give a shrug. "break a leg, though. you've got this!" it's not like he needs the luck, though. you know he was going to get that there's a slight hesitation before he responds with a big smile. "thanks!" as you leave the area and go back into the theater room where the other auditonees were waiting, you go back to your original seat from a few minutes ago and let out a big sigh. all this time and effort... all to try and succeed with an audition that you really wanted to try your best in... only for it to all fall apart. ... there's no way you should let things happen like the way it did. [[grab that journal.]]

"... that he's there, as the day is closing..." this is a mess. you can't believe you messed up such an important part of the song. you really practiced really hard, rehearsing with the official cd that you found off of ebay and even trying to play the piano yourself in the chorus practice rooms to try and see if you could achieve it then. and now all of that effort... has gone down the trash. you hear the accompaniment come to an end. the audition is over. "alright. thank you for your audition, nana. we'll be sure to let you know if we want a callback." [[leave the blackbox and go to the theater room.]]

you look around yourself to make sure everyone else is too distracted to pay attention to you. it's not like anyone would notice some kid going through their journal while they're waiting for their time to know if they're getting callbacks or not is approaching (not like you were expecting one, anyways. you know you bombed that audition). you turn to the original page once again, only finding the date this time.... well, you don't want to go TOO back in time, right? that'd be unnecessary to get through the whole school day when you're mainly hoping for a specific time to aim for. you look at your clock and see the time it is now: 4:00pm. school ended at 3pm... maybe you want to go for... 3:30pm? when you were just getting called to go down. that seems like a right time. you let your fingers scan the date written on the top of that page, pulling out your phone so that you can keep track of the time, and close your eyes as you think to yourself. [["it is 3:30."]]

around you, the chatter coming from everyone in the room comes to a silence. it's not until you hear april's familiar voice that you open your eyes and become aware of the surroundings around you. "nana ly." you open your eyes and realize... it worked. IT REALLY WORKED!! along with everyone else who was apart of the original lineup that you were in, you stand up from your seat after you put your journal back in your bag (zipping it up afterwards) and follow your group back out into the [[hallway]].

as you and your group stands in front of the blackbox, making small talk with april who is seated behind the table in front of you, you carefully review the things that you have learned from your last audition.... or really your FIRST audition of the day. you need to make sure that your voice sounds the best that it can be. you need to remember that you start with the word "just" for the first part of the chorus. you then go to the second verse which begins with "seems". the last part of the chorus begins with "he". you got this. [[you got this.]]

the line gets shorter and as you mentally prepare yourself to get ready for your turn to be called. it's just you, wade, and april as you wait for your turn to go into that blackbox of doom. god... you needed to make sure you killed this. all of a sudden, you hear wade speaking. "so i was out with some friends the other night and we were stopping by 7/11, right?" wade tells of a familiar story. "and while i was there, there was this guy who was like behind us and we didn't think much about him. but then all of a sudden, as me and everyone else was getting our slurpees and stuff to the register, the guy called out from behind us trying to get our attention. wanna know why?" [["did you drop a beyblade?"]] [[no way you're going to make me choose that. you're gonna set me up.]]

wade stares at you with widened eyes. "how... how did you know?" [["oh. just a guess."]] [["i was actually there watching it as it happened."]]

am not! i think that wade would actually be impressed by your "killer intuition." trust me on this! [["did you drop a beyblade?"]]

"wow... that's... scary..." wade comments. "wow! even i'm shocked, nana!" april smiles widely. "hope that intuition gets you a spot in the cast list, then!" "oh god. you and me both," you respond with a laugh. the others laugh alongside you. you all quiet down at the perfect time as you hear the sound of the door opening follow shortly after. you watch as april quickly enters the blackbox before she comes back out and gives you a thumbs up. [[okay. round 2.]]

"i like 7-11's barbecue kettle chips, you know. so i thought i could drop by and grab some. i saw you guys, but i didn't say hi because i thought it would've been awkward." "what a coincidence that happened!" april cheered before giving wade an exasperated look. "also... a beyblade? really?" "h-hey! the other guy was actually very impressed by it! he was a huge beyblade fan, too!" april laughs at his response while you turn around as soon as you hear the sound of the door opening. immediately, april gets up from her seat and enters the blackbox, only to shortly come back and give you the permission to enter. [[okay. round 2.]]

you enter the room, april closing it as soon as you are fully within it and you stand on the x in the middle, as instructed from hanneman earlier. "hi, nana," he says politely. you can't help but feel like he's giving you an intense look. almost as if he is studying you very closely. "what song will you be singing for us?" "'just imagine'," you respond. "very well. you will begin at the 18th measure. judy, can you play nana's starting note?" you look over at the music accompanist and she gives you the starting note. c#5. you nod your head and clear your throat. "on a count to four," judy instructs. "one...two...three...four." [[and the rest is history.]]

the audition goes by without a hitch, shown from your previous experience with it. of course, only you are aware of that. you just hope that this time around is able to get you a good result in the end. "alright. thank you for your audition, nana. we'll be sure to let you know if we want a callback." "thank you," you respond politely as you make your way to the door. [[thank GOD you got through it.]]

you leave the black box where you feel more... light than you did before. you look at april and wade and you give them both a smile and thumbs up. "now all i have to do is wait. but break a leg, wade!" "thanks!" he says before you go back on your way to the theater room. feeling much better after everything, you return to the theater room and take a seat as you flip back to the page that you were on earlier. [[write down your accomplishment!]]

february 13th, 2019 i got to try out more of my cool time-travelling power today!! before writing in this, i was actually already in the next month. march 14th, to be exact. but with my power, i just wanted to try and test my luck with trying to make sure that i could have a chance of being in eureka! as AT LEAST a member of ensemble. if i managed to get more, that'd be awesome too!!! i just want to be able to spend more time with the others.... i want to be included and be more familiar with them. it was worth a shot! i think i really did well! i haven't yet gotten anything about a callback. but i just hope that this all works out in my favor! even if i didn't score a place on the cast list, i can at least be sure that i gave it my all! besides, i know that this won't be the only opportunity for me to get closer to everyone. [[alright. let's close that for the day.]]

as you close your book, you look up to see wade standing in front of you. that threw you in for a surprise! you didn't expect to have HIM be the first person you see after you close your journal... not only that... but he's rather... closer than normal. (he really is just standing directly in front of where you're sitting... either way, it's unsettling.) [[greet him warmly.]] [[...question him?]]

"hi wade! how did your audition go?" "oh! thanks for asking," he replied with a smile. "i think it went well. i really tried my best, to be honest. but, i won't really know until i get that callback, right?" you laugh and nod your head. "actually, i was wondering if i could talk to you for a little bit?" he looks around the room before looking back at you, speaking in a lower voice than before. "...alone?" ...well... [[it's not like you have anything important to do, right?]]

"... wade, what are you doing in front of me?" "glad you asked, nana," he says with a bright smile and you can't help but feel... unsettled by that. "i actually wanted to talk to you about something. it's not too serious, but i would like to talk to you about it alone." well... [[it's not like you have anything important to do, right?]]

you follow him as he leads you to the hallway on the other side of the school, far away from anyone in the black box or the theater room. you're a little confused as to what he was wanting to talk about, though. what do you think?? [[is he going to ask me out?]] [[is he going to ask about how my audition went??]] [[what if he wants to get with one of my friends and needs me to help?]] [[i think i already know.]]

LMAO. AS IF!!! remember that he's THE theater club dream boy that the other girls within the club have their eyes on. they've probably kept an eye on him since he joined the club last year. you only met him this year! you're not special, bestie! dream on!!! [[let's hear what he has to say.]]

... no. i don't think that's possible. you already indicated that your audition went well by how you were walking with your posture tall and with a big smile and you giving him a thumbs up. he probably assumed that you think you did your best. [[let's hear what he has to say.]]

...that definitely does sound like a possibility. you wouldn't be surprised. though you've done a glowup yourself this year, you wouldn't really compare to yourself to your other friends. you know that they are much more attractive than you. hell.. even if you did get prettier, you shouldn't really boost your ego when you know that there are prettier people. [[let's hear what he has to say.]]

oh... do you now? [[let's hear what he has to say.]]

"what did you want to talk about?" the bright smile on his face drops to a serious expression. "you remember earlier when i was telling a story to you and april before you went to your audition?" ... [[you nod your head.]]

"when i asked to guess about it, i didn't expect you to actually do it, let alone get it right. you find yourself laughing out of nervousness. "am i not supposed to get it right? i really was just saying—" [["you're missing the point, nana."]]

"i know that you weren't there because on the day of, it was just me and the other guys. i remember walking around the whole store on that day and finding it to be empty, if not accompanied by that one guy, my friends, or the person working there today. there's no way you could've been there. and the fact that you were able to guess what i dropped right away is strange." you find yourself becoming uneasy. you didn't expect to be inspected after your audition. all you wanted to do was make sure that you did well enough to be apart of the cast. but here you are... facing the consequences of trying to impress others... <strike>oh? was i responsible for making you do that? silly me...</strike> "there's no way you would've known i liked beyblade because i never told anyone that i had one. and if i did, it'd be one of the guys." he furrows his eyebrows as he gives you a intimidating stare. "tell me. right now. tell me how you managed to get that answer. because there is no way in possible hell that you could've gotten it through natural causes." uh oh... uh oh... he's trying to get you into telling him about your power! [[RUN!!]]

chapter iv. crush. by weki-meki to be continued...